Soul Calibur Beach Party
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: Complete! The cast of the Soul Calibur series get together for a party at the beach. Will they get along, let alone get through a day of faults and mishaps? Read and find out! Rated T for language, violence, and some suggestive themes.
1. The Beach Party Begins

**Soul Calibur Beach Party**

**By**: Master Jin Sonata

**Genre**: Humor

**Written**: June 2007

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**Disclaimer**: I do not own Namco or the totally awesome Soul Calibur franchise

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**Setting: **A Sandy Beach On A Clear Sunny Day

**Location:** The Caribbean

**Time Period:** Modern Times

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It was a sunny summer day at the beach.

The sound of the waves crashing upon the shore…

The rustling of the palm trees…

The smell of the salty sea air…

**"WORMS!!! YOU CALL THAT A SPIKE? YOU'LL NEVER LEARN HOW TO PLAY VOLLEY BALL LIKE A PRO!!!"** yelled Astaroth from the volleyball court.

…and the sound of the fated souls as they enjoy the day off for a nice barbecue outing at the beach.

Many of the cast members are scattered about the beach doing different things. For now, let's see what's going on at the volleyball court…

**The Volley Ball Court**

**"Well if you didn't bring such a huge-ass volley ball then it wouldn't be a problem!"** Maxi protested after he tried to spike the oversized ball over the net.

Four individuals were playing Volleyball on the beach. Team #1 consisted of Astaroth, Voldo and Tira. Team #2 was Maxi, Yunsung, and Kilik.

**"NO EXCUSES! NOW GET IT RIGHT!"** Astaroth yelled as he charged up to the net, leaped into the air, and slammed the ball towards Maxi at 100 MPH. The ball ricocheted off of Maxi's head, forcing him to fall backwards into the sand.

**"Aw man, you messed up my hair!"** Maxi whined.

**"That's not the only thing that'll be messed up if we don't start scoring,"** Kilik said to Maxi, helping him up.

**"Yeah, let's show these creeps who can play ball!"** Yunsung said.

Kilik grabbed the volleyball and got into position. He tossed the ball into the air and bounced it over to the opposing team.

**"I got it! I got it!"** Tira happily called out ready to send it back, but Voldo got in her way.

**"HSSSSSSSSSSSSSS"** Voldo hissed as he slapped at the ball with his clawed hand, popping it upon impact. Astaroth and Tira turned and glared at Voldo.

**"That wasn't very nice you little so-in-so!"** Tira growled, now in her creepy emo-angry attitude.

**"DAMMIT! NOW WE NEED ANOTHER BALL!"** Astaroth said in anger. **"I'LL GO GET ANOTHER FROM MY CAR,"** he added, stomping off towards the parking lot.

It seems that game is currently on hold. Let's see what's happening at the eating area.

**The Barbecue Pavilion**

Meanwhile, some of the cast was in charge of barbecuing and preparing the food. This job was left in the hands of Cervantes, Nightmare, and Lizard Man.

**"Hey, Nightmare, how goes the ribs?"** Cervantes asked the Azure Night while the pirate struggled with trying to handle a live lobster.

Nightmare looked over at the food cooking on the tremendously large gas grill.

**"Needs more souls!!!"** Nightmare said evilly.

**"What was that?"** Cervantes quickly questioned.

**"Uh…I mean…needs more...sauce…barbecue sauce…yeah,"** the Azure Night corrected himself.

**"That's what I thought you said,"** Cervantes said with approval. He then heard the sound of munching and crunching near him. He turned and saw Lizard Man gobbling up some of the prepared food as it was cooked.

**"Hey! Stop eating the goods!"** Cervantes said, turning to Lizard Man, attempting to snatch away a large turkey leg from him, but Lizard Man held on tightly. **"Stop struggling!"** Cervantes warned Lizard Man.

Cervantes eventually lost his grip and stumbled backward, landing right on top of the grill.

**"YEOW!"** Cervantes yelled as he ran toward the ocean, his rear on fire.

Nightmare just shook his head and rolled his eyes as he continued to man the barbecue grill.

**End Of Chapter One**

_See what the girls and the others are doing in the next chapter, coming soon!_

_Please review!_


	2. Flawed Romance

Meanwhile out on the beach, many of the characters were enjoying the sun, while others were…well…

**West Side Of The Beach**

"**Over here, honey, I found the perfect spot!"** Raphael called out to his wife Ivy, and his daughter Amy. Raphael laid down all of his belongings and began to setup their equipment. He lays out a blanket for the three of them, a boom box, a giant umbrella, and a cold chest of fine wine.

"**I don't know why I let you drag me out to the beach today, you skirt-chasing twit,"** Ivy sighed as she dropped her stuff and began to stretch. Amy stood quietly under umbrella to get away from the sun's rays.

"**What are you talking about, honey? You know you're the only one for me!"** Raphael said to Ivy, trying to sound romantic and suave.

"**Whatever, you lying little rat,"** Ivy said, before turning to leave the area. **"I'm going to go visit the other ladies for a while,"** she said, waving back to Raphael, not even turning to look at him.

"**Your mother worries too much, doesn't she?"** Raphael said to Amy. Amy simply rolled her eyes in a 'whatever' fashion.

At that moment, Raphael looked toward the ocean where he saw Taki coming in from a brief swim. She was wearing a red two-piece bathing suit, had her hair down, and was looking mighty fine. Through Raphael's eyes, everything he saw of her was in slow motion as if Taki was one of the Bay-Watch girls.

"**Oh wow! Amy, look at miss beautiful over there! I'm going to go and woo her with my handsomeness and irresistible charm,"** Raphael proposed, already slathering on some sunscreen and putting on some sunglasses, donning his favorite bright yellow and orange swim trunks.

Amy tugged on his shorts as if she was saying 'This isn't a good idea'.

"**Don't worry Amy. Your mother won't mind if I make a female friend or two,"** Raphael said as he zipped off to meet Taki.

When he reached his destination, Taki was laying facedown on her beach towel sunbathing. She looked up at Raphael when his shadow was blocking her sun.

"**I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy that it hurts…!"** Raphael began to sing to her, while doing a pelvic thrust motion with his hips trying to impress her.

**SNAP!!!!**

Raphael's dancing and singing was cut short when Ivy flung her sword/whip weapon at his neck. He crashed to the ground as was dragged across the beach.

"**Damn womanizing bastard,"** Ivy growled as she continued to drag her husband back to their spot.

**East Side Of The Beach**

At the other end of the beach, Cassandra and Seung Mina were sitting together near a secluded area of the beach by some rocks.

"**Cassandra…what is it you wanted to tell me?"** Seung Mina asked, curious as to why she asked to meet her in such a place, alone.

"**Well…you see, Seung Mina…I've been…thinking of you for quite some time now…"** Cassandra started to say, a bit nervous.

"**Oh?"** Seung Mina responded.

"**Um...yeah…you see…the fact is… Seung Mina…is that um…I…uh…kinda…like you…"** Cassandra managed to sputter out.

Seung Mina sat there speechless to what Cassandra had just told her. After a brief moment of silence, Seung Mina grinned and moved in on Cassandra.

"**You know what? I kinda like you too!"** Seung Mina said, slowly embracing Cassandra and moving in to kiss her.

Minutes later, Talim approached the area to give the two a message.

"**Hey, girls! Cervantes told me to tell you that its time to eat n---"** Talim began to say, before stopping abruptly as she saw Seung Mina and Cassandra almost completely undressed, in the middle of a passionate embrace of love.

Talim immediately fainted on the spot upon seeing this.

**End Of Chapter Two**

_It's time to eat! See the hijinks that unfold when everyone get ready to chow down next chapter!_

_Please review!_


	3. Lunch Time!

**Author's note**: Thank you everoyne for the reviews! You guys rock!

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The food at the barbecue pavilion was ready, and was time for everyone to chow down!

**Barbecue Pavilion**

Almost the entire cast was gathered around the area where Nightmare, Cervantes, and Lizardman were cooking. After a short while, Nightmare approached the crowd in front of the pavilion.

"**Everyone make two lines and shut your mouths,"** Nightmare said to the crowd, but nobody paid much attention to him and kept of chatting.

"**I SAID GET IN LINE AND SHUT UP DAMMIT!!!"** Nightmare yelled at everyone, intimidating the crowd as he whipped out his giant Soul Edge sword. Everyone immediately did what he had instructed and had quieted down.

Nightmare and Cervantes would serve their own separate lines, while Lizardman was busy helping himself to the food as usual.

**Nightmare's Line**

As each cast member went through Nightmare's line to get his or her food, one particular individual caught his attention.

It was Siegfried.

Siegfried grabbed his plate and approached Nightmare.

"**Oh…its you…"** Nightmare said to Siegfried, not to happy to be in the presence of his former body host.

"**Yes…yes it is…"** Siegfried replied solemnly, glaring at Nightmare.

**"I assume you want some food?"** Nightmare questioned, keeping his eyes fixated on Siegfried.

"**Yes, that would be the reason why I am here…" **Siegfried said, getting a bit irked just being in the presence of his evil counterpart.

"**Fine,"** Nightmare said, fishing his tongs into the grill itself, and taking out a burnt piece of charcoal and plopping it on Siegfried plate.

"**You evil bastard…"** Siegfried grumbles as he walks away from the line in a huff.

Next in line was Astaroth. He did not grab a normal sized plate like everyone else; instead he carried a giant satellite dish in which he flopped down onto the table in front of Nightmare.

"**FILL IT UP TO THE BRIM,"** Astaroth ordered.

"**This is ridiculous! No way in the world you can eat that much f---"** Nightmare protested, until Astaroth grabbed his by the throat.

"**I SAID FILL IT UP, WORM!!!"** Astaroth shouted at him.

"**Okay okay!!!"** Nightmare said as Astaroth loosened the grip around his neck as he began shoveling tons of food into Astaroth's oversized dish.

**Cervantes's Line**

Meanwhile, Cervantes was busily dealing with some difficult people of his own.

First in line was Sophitia, who had her children with her today.

"**One adult and three children-size plates please,"** Sophitia said to Cervantes.

As Cervantes was filling up the plates, one of Sophitia's daughters walked up to him.

"**Excuse me mister, are you Captain Crunch?"** the girl asked innocently.

"**What?" I'm not Captain Crunch you little brat!"** Cervantes protested, but was cut off.

"**Of course he's Captain Crunch! Just looks at his pirate outfit!"** another daughter said with eagerness, tugging on the pirate's cloak.

"**Crunch-atize us, Captain!"** the third child said, hopping up and down in excitement.

"**I'll show you a thing or two about crunching you little twerps,"** Cervantes said with frustration, unsheathing his dual swords.

Sophitia immediately saw what Cervantes was going to do to her children. She pulls out her shield and clocks Cervantes with it, knocking him out momentarily. She then got her food and took her children to the eating area.

In the middle of the line, Mitsurugi stood behind Voldo. For the longest he was pondering something. Eventually, he had to ask Voldo.

"**Um, Voldo, I'm just wondering…how the heck do you even eat with your mouth taped up all the time?" **Mitsurugi asked, scratching his.

Voldo turned around and hissed at Mitsurugi.

"**Let me translate for you,"** Olcadan said, who stood behind both of them. **"He said 'There are other ways to get food into me. I would tell you but you'd gag if I did',"** Olcadan said.

Mitsurugi shuddered.

"**Ew…sorry I asked,"** the samurai said, cringing at the thought.

After everyone had gotten their food, they went and sat in the eating area, chowing down and conversing with the other people.

**Eating Area, Table 1**

Cassandra, Seung Mina, Taki, Talim, Ivy, Amy, and Raphael were at the first table.

"**More pasta salad, sexy?" **Seung Mina said to Cassandra, smiling seductively.

"**Yes oh yes, and would you like some more chocolate cake?" **Cassandra replied in a soothing tone.

"**Do I?" **she said, a grin spreading across her face as both of them began feeding each other, Cassandra slowly spreading the chocolate frosting around Seung Mina's lips in a playful manner.

Talim just sat there wide-eyed at what she was seeing, not even noticing Taki stealing some of her dessert from her plate.

Raphael looked on at what Cassandra and Seung Mina were doing, and got a brilliant idea.

"**Allow me to feed you, honey," Raphael said to Ivy.**

"**What are talking about? I can feed myself thank-you-very-much," **Ivy shot back.

"**Here you go, sweetie," **Raphael said in a pseudo-sexy tone, lightly shoving a giant piece of watermelon into Ivy's mouth.

Ivy spat out the food and slapped Raphael again with her sword/whip. Amy sat there shaking her head in embarrassment.

**Eating Area, Table 2**

Astaroth, Maxi, Kilik, Yunsung, Voldo, and Tira sat at the other table.

Astaroth was wolfing down his giant sigh of food while the other guys looked on wondering how the hell could he finish that by himself.

"**Man, Cervantes didn't give me enough to eat. I'm still hungry,"** Maxi complained.

**"You too? Nightmare was a hard-ass on giving me a decent amount of food,"** Yunsung responded.

"**Hey guys, I have an idea, let's distract Astaroth and steal some of his food,"** Kilik suggested.

"**Yeah! Good idea!"** Yunsung said.

All three men turned and pointed at something behind Astaroth.

"**Lookout! A bandit!"** All three of them said in unison.

"**WHAT?!?!?"** Astaroth said, turning away from his dish and looking around for the so-called thief.

All three guys took this opportunity to to steal as much food as possible from Astaroth's dish, scarfing it all down in the process.

Astaroth turned back around in the middle of their raid.

"**I DON'T SEE A BANDIT…HEY! YOU GUYS DARE STEAL MY FOOD?!?!"** Astaroth yelled in anger.

"**Oops, busted…"** Kilik gulped.

Astaroth got up out of his chair and grabbed the table, flipping it over on top of everyone else in retaliation before leaving the area to get more food. Everyone was now covered in food and barbecue sauce.

Tira and Voldo glared at the three guys.

"**Nice going, jerk-offs…"** Tira said angrily to them, while Voldo hissed at them as well.

**End Of Chapter Three**

_Pranks, weight lifting, and basketball…oh my. Se these events and more in the next chapter!_

_Please review!_


	4. Basketball Game

After everyone had eaten, it was time for a little recreation!

**Basketball Court**

"**Ah, that was delicious!"** Maxi said to the others.

"**Yeah, I'm stuffed. So what do you want to do now?"** Kilik asked, stretched his arms.

The men stopped and looked over toward the basketball court, where they saw Zasalamel practicing alone.

"**Hey, let's play some basketball!"** Yunsung said, pointing toward the court.

The three guys approached the court, and Zasalamel stopped his routine and turned to the newcomers.

"**How about a game of ball: You versus Us?"** Maxi said.

"**So you guys wanna take me on all together because of your lack of skills? Figures,"** Zasalamel said with a sardonic smirk.

**"Hey, wait a minute! We just want to see how well you are before…"** Kilik tried to explain.

"**Oh, just because I'm black you think I'm automatically an expert on basketball? Well, you're on, bitches,"** Zasalamel said, bouncing his ball off of Maxi's head before taking position on the court.

All three guys stood there dumbfounded.

"**This isn't going to end well…"** Yunsung commented.

"**Aw, my hair's messed up again…"** Maxi whined, not paying attention to what the others were saying.

While they finish the mess they started, let's see what everyone else is up to.

**Weightlifting Kiosk**

Meanwhile inside a semi-large shack, some of the cast was demonstrating their awesome strength. Rock, Nightmare, Olcadan, and Talim were there.

"**Hoohah! Try to beat that!"** Rock proclaimed, setting down the 700-pound barbell he was bench-pressing with.

"**You amateur, let me show you real power!"** Olcadan said, taking Rock's place on the bench and lifting an impressive 1000-pounds.

"**Oh yeah? I can lift much more than those teddy-bear weights you have on that bar!"** Nightmare taunted, moving Olcadan aside and attempting to lift up 1500-pounds. He struggled a lot at first, his armor rattling loudly as he tried to lift up the insane amount of weight, but eventually got one lift in, before dropping it down.

"**Beat…that!"** Nightmare said, out of breath.

"**Let me try!"** Talim said to all of the men.

All of the guys turned around to her and broke out laughing.

"**Are you serious? What could you possibly lift, 5-pounds at the most?"** Rock said, doubling over from laughter.

Talim narrowed her eyes and took up the bench. She grabbed the bar and tested its initial weight.

"**Put on 250 pounds,"** Talim said.

**"Whatever you say, little girl. Don't blame us if you get crushed from the massive weights about to be placed upon you,"** Rock said, attaching the designated weights to the bar.

To everyone's disbelief, Talim began benching the weights effortlessly. All three guys stood aghast that this girl could lift so much despite her size.

"**Gimmie more!"** Talim demanded.

Nightmare hesitantly added 200 more pounds to her bar. Again, Talim lifted the bar with no problem at all.

"**More!"** Talim said.

The guys looked at each other in disbelief, not knowing what to say at the moment.

**30 Minutes Later…**

Talim was now at this point lifting almost 2500-pounds. The three guys even had to help keep the bar straight as it was bending horrendously from the overload.

She let the bar down, as she was finished for the day.

"**That was fun! See you later!" **she said to the guys, who at this point were extremely embarrassed.

As Talim walked away from the kiosk showing up the other men, Amy came to her and gave a 'How did you do it?' look.

"**It's simple! The power of the wind works in mysterious ways!"** Talim responded.

After a brief moment of silence, Amy shrugged and was on her way.

"**Oh, you'll figure it out eventually,"** Talim said with a sly smile.

**Back At The Basketball Court**

"**What's the matter? You chumps givin' up now?"** Zasalamel said to the guys.

The current score was:

**Zasalamel**: 124

**Maxi, Kilik, and Yunsung**: -26 (due to several penalties)

"**Man, we are getting owned!"** Kilik said with both disbelief and frustration.

"**I think we should throw in the towel and give up for the day,"** Yunsung suggested.

"**Yeah man, all of this action is making my hair even worse…"** Maxi said.

"**Man, can you talk about anything else but your stupid Elvis hairstyle?"** Yunsung said, rolling his eyes.

As they headed off the court, they were stopped by a group of ladies who looked as though they wanted to play as well. They were all wearing specially made team shirts and shorts for the occasion.

"**You guys are leaving already? Aw, that's too bad, because we wanted to play you in a quick match,"** one of the girls said.

The guys looked at each other as a smile spread across their faces.

They knew they couldn't turn down an offer like this.

**Minutes Later…**

Soon after two teams were made. Some newcomers joined the game to make it even on both sides.

**On the Boys Team**: Zasalamel, Maxi, Kilik, Yunsung, and Yoshimitsu

**On the Girls Team**: Taki, Cassandra, Seung Mina, Ivy, and Xianghua

"**So, what made you two want to join our game?"** Taki asked Ivy and Xianghua.

"**I'd do anything to get away from Raphael for the time being…"** Ivy said, rolling her eyes.

"**And I just happened to be in the area when you guys wanted to play!"** Xianghua responded.

On the boys' side, they had some rather interesting negotiations.

"**So after this game, you guys will pay me a large sum of cash for playing on your sorry-ass team, got it?"** Zasalamel said.

"**Yeah yeah…"** the other responded, sighing, knowing that they were going to be extremely broke after the match.

"**This shall be interesting indeed, namu namu!"** Yoshimitsu said, pumped up and ready to go.

The game then started soon after. Olcadan showed up and was designated as the referee, who was in his owl form at the moment.

Maxi and Taki were participating in the initial ball toss to see which team will get control of it first.

Just as Olcadan prepared to toss the ball, Maxi could not stop staring at Taki's massive…jugs.

The whistle blew, and Taki jumped and swatted the ball over to her team.

Ivy caught the ball and dribbled it down the court. Kilik went to block her, but she knocked him out of the way and dunked the ball. The girls scored their first points.

"**H-hey! Foul! Foul! That was a foul!!!"** Kilik yelled over to Olcadan.

"**Hey, just who are you calling a foul, kid?"** Olcadan shot back.

"**No, not you! I mean a foul in…aw screw it…"** Kilik said, getting up joining the others as the game resumed.

Cassandra had the ball, as she and Seung Mina made their way down the court. Zasalamel blocked them, but the girls had a plan.

"**Don't we look sexy together?"** Cassandra said to Zasalamel, as both girls were feeling each other up trying to distract him.

"**Oh no the hell you don't, trying to fool me with this shit. Remind me to throw a giant clock gear at you gay asses after the game,"** Zasalamel said, stealing the ball and running down the court, and dunking it Michael Jordan style.

The game continued, and Yoshimitsu had the ball. As the girls were charging toward him, he simply teleported right up to the girl's hoop and scored another point for the guys.

"**Hey! No fair!"** Seung Mina whined, getting real close to Cassandra to weep against her…well, I'll just stop there.

Now, Yunsung had the ball, he dribbled as he looked for someone whom he could pass it to. He took too long though, as Xianghua took it from him.

"**Aw, too bad. Say, you want the ball back?"** Xianghua said to Yunsung.

"**Uh…um…sure!"** he said.

"**Here you go!"** Xianghua said, ready to give the ball back to him, but snatched it back. **"Just kidding!" **she said with a cheesy smile, making off with the ball.

"**What the hell was that?"** Zasalamel said to Yunsung.

**"I'll get it back!"** Yunsung said, charging after Xianghua, when he suddenly tripped over a strategically placed rock on the ground and falls, twisting his ankle. **"Auuugh! It hurts!"** Yunsung yelled in agony.

**"Oh great, now what are we going to do? We need a replacement!"** Kilik said.

At that moment, the guys look over to a young man dressed in green sitting on the bleachers eating an ice-cream cone.

It was Link.

**"You there, the elf-looking guy, we need a replacement. Think you got what it takes?"** Maxi said to Link.

A look of determination spread across Link's face as he ripped off his normal outfit and revealed a green jersey and shorts.

Link gave the guys a 'Let's go' nod and approached the court.

Olcadan blew the whistle, and the game continued.

Cassandra had the ball, and passed it over to Ivy, but Link pulls out his boomerang and throws it at the ball, casusing it to bounce away from Ivy and into Link's hands. Link then dribbles down the court, where Taki intercepts the ball. Before she could get very far, Link appears out of nowhere and takes it back. Taki got pissed and went after him, eventually cornering Link. It wasn't long before Taki saw that the basketball was nowhere in sight.

**"I know you have the ball, shrimp! Give it to me!"** Taki demanded.

Link shrugged at her as if to say 'Okay' and instead whipped out a lit bomb and handed it to her.

**"Ah! I don't want this!!! You can keep it!"** Taki yelped, shoving the bomb in to Link's jersey.

Link panicked and ran around the court trying to remove the lit bomb, but to no avail, it exploded, leaving Link on the ground in a charred daze.

**"Well, there goes that player…"** Yoshimitsu said.

**"Don't worry, everyone, my foot's fine now!"** Yunsung said, limping back onto the court.

**"What an odd group of losers…"** Zasalamel said, sighing.

**Later…**

At the end of the game, the final score was tied:

**Boys Team**: 116

**Girls Team**: 116

It was the final round, and it was up to Maxi to win for his team with his two free throws. Maxi threw the ball, and missed the basket completely. He had one more chance to score a point to win for the guys. He tossed it again, and it looked really promising.

"**Oh no you don't,"** Ivy said, taking out her sword/whip and swinging it at the ball. It snagged it, and when it did, she yanked her weapon, sending the ball flying over the opposite basket, which went in perfectly. The girls had won by one point.

"**What the #!&!$ was that &$!#!?!?!?"** Zasalamel yelled to the referee.

"**Oh, sorry, I wasn't paying attention to that last shot,"** said Olcadan, who was in an armchair sipping lemonade while gazing at the beautiful ladies on the court.

Zasalamel turned to the guys.

**"You know the drill: Pay up!"** Zasalamel said, holding out his hand.

All the guys turned to each other and gulped.

**Seconds Later…**

Zasalamel was chasing down all of the guys, even Yoshimitsu through the parking lot, waving his scythe in anger.

"**So you guys think you can just run away without paying my money?!!?"** he yells as he continues to peruse the penniless, deadbeat guys for most of the afternoon until evening.

**End Of Chapter Four**

_As the day winds down, how will the Soul Calibur cast end the day of fun?_

_Please review!_


	5. The Beach Party Ends

It was nearing the evening, and the sun was setting. This means the party is winding down…right? Not a chance!

**The Beach: Secluded Area**

Raphael was sitting with his wife Ivy, alone together in his own private area of the beach.

"**It sure is a lovely evening, isn't it honey? Just look at that beautiful sunset,"** Raphael said to Ivy.

"**Yes…I guess it does look pretty nice,"** Ivy responded. **"You know, Raphael, this was the most decent idea you've come up with in a long time," **she commented with a smirk.

"**See? I'm not always a moronic, skirt-chasing floozy you may think I am,"** Raphael responded.

That's when he had an idea.

"**Say, honey, why don't I play you a romantic love song on my guitar?"** Raphael says temptingly.

"**I didn't know you could play the guitar…"** Ivy said, raising an eyebrow.

"**I can't, but it won't hurt to try,"** Raphael said, reaching around for his guitar that sat behind him.

**CHOMP!!!**

No sooner as Raphael grabbed his guitar, Lizardman appears out of nowhere and takes a big bite out of his instrument, the guitar's broad end looking like a rigged crescent moon.

"**MY BEAUTIFUL GUITAR!!!"** Raphael yells in distress as he turns and stares angrily at Lizardman. **"YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!!!"**

Raphael then got up and attempted to tackle Lizardman, but Lizardman sidestepped and watched Raphael collide into a nearby palm tree.

Ivy shook her head in embarrassment as Lizardman shrugs and walks away from the scene, burping, using the guitar strings to floss his teeth.

Raphael wobbled back toward Ivy and flopped onto the sand.

"**Did someone get the number of that scaly truck?"** Raphael said dizzily.

At the same time, Taki walks past Raphael, wearing a somewhat revealing swimsuit.

"**Oh wow! Look at Taki's buns!!!"** Raphael said with a wide grin.

**KRACK!!!**

Ivy kicked Raphael across the face with her heel, and stood up.

"**That does it, I'm going home. You can walk for all I care,"** Ivy said angrily as she left the area.

**The Lavatories**

Meanwhile at public lavatories, Astaroth hastily rushed inside the men's bathroom.

"**DAMN!!! I NEED TO TAKE A DUMP AND ALL THE STALLS ARE OCCUPIED!!!"** Astaroth growled loudly as he stormed out of the men's bathroom and notices a portable toilet not too far from the lavatories. He rushes toward it and goes inside, but forgets to lock the door.

Moments later, Siegfried enters the scene, and he too enters the men's bathroom, finding it full as well. He steps outside and sees the portable toilet as well. He walks up to in and opens the door.

"**WHAT THE?!?! CLOSE THAT DOOR, WORM!!! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M USING IT?!?!?"** Astaroth yells as Siegfried as he shoved him away and shuts the door.

"**Sheesh, well excuuuuse me!!!"** Siegfried said, rolling his eyes as he went to look for another toilet.

As he walked around the corner of a nearby shack, he bumps into Zasalamel.

"**Yo, watch where you're going, punk-ass, I ain't gonna tolerate people running into me while I look for an open toilet,"** Zasalamel said in a somewhat pissed off tone.

Siegfried didn't appreciate Zasalamel's rudeness, but soon had an idea on how make Zasalamel eat his own words.

"**Why don't you use that portable toile over there,"** Siegfried said, pointing over at the toilet Astaroth was occupying.

"**What?! That one's open? If you say so..."** Zasalamel said as he went and tried to open the door to the toilet.

"**This door must be stuck, but I'll fix this shit in no time,"** Zasalamel said, pulling out his scythe and slashing the door open, only to see a very, very, **_VERY_** angry Astaroth staring back at him.

"**WORM!!! YOU TOO DARE DISTURB MY PRIVACY?!?!? PREPARE TO TAKE A DIP!!!"**

A panic-stricken expression appeared on Zasalamel's face as Astaroth grabbed him, stood up off the toilet, and dunked Zasalamel into the crap-filled toilet several times before leaving him there.

Siegfried nearly dies laughing at the hilarious sight.

**Beach Parking Lot**

Olcadan and Rock were walking near the beach parking lot, when they noticed someone in a brand new car drive into a parking spot near them. Out of the car stepped Heihachi Mishima from Tekken.

"**Heihachi! It's about time you showed up, the party is almost over! Where have you been?"** Rock said with much surprise.

"**I got into a stupid accident along the way over here, so I had to go rent another car,"** Heiachi said, walking over to the two.

"**The person you ran into…is that person okay?"** Olcadan asked.

"**The woman I ran into was fine…until I beat her ass when she tried to take her frustration out on me by attacking me with a parasol,"** Heihachi said, cracking his fist.

"**Setsuka…"** Olcadan and Rock said simultaneously, both knowing exactly who Heihachi was referring to

**The Fire Pit**

At the fire pit, Link, Assassin, and Xianghua were quietly sitting together toasting marshmallows over an open fire. As they began to eat their marshmallows, Xianghua breaks the silence.

"**Link, lookout! You're hats on fire!!!"** Xianghua said, pointing to Link's green hat.

Link quickly jumped up and slapped his hat off of his head, dropping his toasted marshmallow into fire in the process.

"**Just kidding!"** Xianghua says with a giggle.

Link glares at Xianghua at the fact that she lied about his hat catching fire, and losing his marshmallow in the process.

Meanwhile while Assassin waited for his next toasted marshmallow to cool off, he stretches his arms and yawns, unaware that the hot marshmallow on his stick he was holding was touching Link's hat, which actually started to catch on fire. Xianghua saw this and shrieked.

"**LINK! YOU'RE HATS ON FIRE!!!"** Xianghua says in a panicky voice as Link's hat was beginning to burn rather quickly.

"**Hmph,"** Link grunts, ignoring Xianghua's warning.

"**NO, REALLY! YOUR ENTIRE HEAD'S ON FIRE!!!"** Xianghua she pleaded.

Link raises an eyebrow as he begins sniffing the air. He then finally realizes that there was a small bonfire indeed burning on top of his head.

"**EEEYYYAAAAA!!!"** Link yells as he shoots off like a rocket toward the ocean, screaming like a little girl, diving into the waters when he got there to put the fire out.

Assassin laughed at the whole situation, while Xianghua cringes at the sight.

**Under A Tall Palm Tree**

In another area, Tira and Nightmare were sitting together on a bench that sat under a large palm tree.

"**You know, Nightmare, I really admire you a lot!"** Tira said in a happy tone.

"**Uh…you do?"** Nightmare responds in an uncertain tone.

"**Yeah! You're like the most popular evil guy ever!"** she says, looking deep into Nightmare's eyes.

"**Uh…well...uh…thank you…I…uh…try my best…"** Nightmare said, a bit shocked and freaked that Tira was coming on to him.

"**How about you take off that helmet of yours and give me a nice big kiss?"** Tira says, slowly removing Nightmare's helmet.

Nightmare blushed as she closed in on him, ready to lock lips with him. Nightmare decided to go ahead and kiss her back just for the hell of it.

Just before both of their lips touched each other's, Voldo rises up in between them and receives the kisses from both people.

Tira and Nightmare's eyes shot wide open when they saw whom they kissed instead.

"**EW YUCK!!!"** Nightmare yelled, jumping out his seat. **"I THOUGHT SOMETHING WAS WRONG WHEN MY LIPS COLLIDED WITH A COLD, PASTY FACE!!!"**

**"You'll pay for that you little freak! You're going to be in more bandages when I get through with you!!!"** Tira said angrily, now in her angry-emo-killing attitude.

"**HSSSSSSS?!"** Voldo hissed as both of them proceed to beat the crap out of Voldo, ultimately leaving him smashed straight though the other end of the Palm Tree.

**The Lavatories…Again**

Later on, Seung Mina and Cassandra were looking for a private place where they could make-out once again. Their search leads them to an empty, clean portable toilet.

"**Let's do it in there!"** Cassandra tells Seung Mina.

"**Good idea!"** Seung Mina says.

Both girls get into the portal toilet and shut the door behind them.

**Two Minutes Later…**

Talim, Amy, and Taki were walking together, talking as they passed the lavatory area. They stopped when they heard some strange noises coming from the nearby portable toilet.

"**What's going on in there?"** Talim asks as the three girls walk up toward the door.

Immediately, the doors fly open as Seung Mina and Cassandra grabs all three girls and drags them inside with them.

**Three Minutes Later…**

Sophitia and Tira walk past the area as well.

"**Where could my sister be? We need to go so we can get my children to bed, it's getting late,"** Sophitia says.

Both girls stop and hear some unusually loud noises coming from the nearby portable toilet.

You can guess what happened to them too when they got near it.

**Nearby In Some Bushes…**

"**Did you see that?!"** Maxi said with much glee.

"**Hell yeah! Those girls must be doing something real nasty in there!"** Kilik said.

"**We gotta get a photo of this!"** Yunsung said.

"**How are we supposed to do that?"** Kilik questioned.

"**We quietly sneak up to the door, yank it open, and snap the picture, that's how!"** Yunsung said.

"**C'mon, let's go get the other guys so they can see this too!"** Maxi said.

All three nodded and left the scene momentarily.

**Six Minutes Later…**

Kilik, Maxi, and Yunsung return to the scene along with Olcadan, Rock, Link, Heihachi, Assassin, Siegfried, and Mitsurugi. All of men approach the portable toilet and circle around it.

"**Okay, guys, get ready to see an awesome display of girl on girl action!!!"** Maxi said with a wide grin as he prepared to open the door.

Yunsung readies his camera as the others guys lean in to get a good look.

Maxi flung the door open.

**FWOOMPH!!!**

**SNAP!!!**

Just as Maxi snapped the picture, everyone gasped at the sight they were seeing.

There weren't any girls inside there at all…

…just Cervantes sitting on the toilet while reading a newspaper.

"**What the hell?!? What's Cervantes doing in there?!"** Kilik said with much shock.

"**Oh crap, all the girls must have left while we were telling the others,"** Maxi said, gulping.

Cervantes looks up and stares back at the group who stared at him.

"**WHAT IN BLAZES ARE YOU FOOLS DOING?! IS THIS SOME SICK JOKE?!"** Cervantes yelled with much anger, crumpling his paper in the process.

"**RUN AWAY!!!"** Maxi yells as all of the men turn and hightail it outta there. Cervantes immediately peruses all of them, flailing his swords in the air and pulling his pants up simultaneously as he ran after them.

That marked the end of the party out on the beach. Maybe another time will come when these fated souls will once again meet up with on another in some grand event.

**The End!**

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_How was it? Please review!_

Keep an eye out on our next Soul Calibur fic: Soul Calibur Talent Contest, coming soon!


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